Welcome to “Learnin’ Time” with Uncle DoomCookie.

See, Second Life is this big wide place. It has many regions. On this regions are called parcels. On these parcels people have their homes, their stores, their clubs, and all manner of things. The people who own these parcels pay for them. With money. That’s right kids, there is money involved.  Now sometimes children, you get a little unruly. And when you get unruly on somebody’s property or about the things they do on said property they exercise their option to ban you. I’m going clue you in on a little secret. They’re allowed to. Let’s think of it this way.The sim/parcel is owned by somebody. It is their property. It doesn’t matter if it’s virtual or not. The fact remains, they are paying for it and you are not. In fact the whole reason you are there is because they have graciously allowed you on their property. Some of these places are businesses, which these people rely on to make their real world income. Let’s put this in real world terms so you fucking sockmonkeys will understand this. If you walked into your nearest Dollar Store (I’m judging by some of the class levels I’ve seen lately) and raised a giant shitfit and acted like a complete fucking twat, you would be kicked out of the store and told not to come back. It’s this great concept. It’s called “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone”. In other words, do not be a douchebag and you won’t get banned. Do you see how that works you morons? However, when you go completely retarded and they ban you? Maybe, and I mean just maybe if you want to be allowed back onto their property you were banned from just follow these three easy steps.

1. Find out what you did to get banned
2. After discovering why you were banned, talk to the person who banned you
3. If you were wrong, try apologizing. I know it’s a novel concept in Second Life. But sometimes “I’m sorry” works. Also, it’s usually the grown up thing to do. And yes, I just said Grown up in reference to Second Life.

Here is what you should not do. I am going to attempt to use small words so some of you should can wrap your tiny little pea brains around it.

• You should not threaten the parcel owner with blackmail, extortion, or any of that other fun stuff.
• Organize boycotts due to your douchebaggery. Nobody wins that game. Especially you.
• Blog about it. Usually when you blog about being banned from a place it just makes you look worse. (This does not apply to all cases)

So there you have it boys and girls and the some inbetweens. You can get banned for being an asshole. From somebody’s property. It’s really quite simple. You are not entitled to be anywhere. You do not have a right to go into any store you want. You are a fucking guest, and as such you should act accordingly. I swear to Ronnie James Dio, some of you dumb clowns must have been raised by the whitest of the trailer trash. And before any of you fucking tools decide to go off about how “you’re just being honest” allow me to to get a preemptive “Fuck yourself with a rusty screwdriver” in. Your “honest opinion” is henceforth known as  “Being a complete fucking douche bag”. It’s not constructive, helpful, and frankly it’s just damn rude. Here, since you appear to have been raised by slightly inbred pigs let me educate you on what a constructive opinion looks like.

“I like the tattoo, I feel it could have used more color and had a bit more detail in the arms however”

See, that’s constructive and an opinion all at the same time. And it didn’t come off sounding like a twat. This is you however:

“Oh fuck I hate this place. This person obviously has no clue what they’re doing because their product is complete shit”

Do you see the difference? If you do not see the difference then perhaps it would be best if you took the dick out of your mouth and take another run at grade school again because apparently you missed something. My guess? They didn’t teach that shit in special ed.

So there you have it. Learnin Time with Uncle DoomCookie.

Pennelope seems to be a one trick pony. It is one of those bitchy people who mask their complete lack of tact and completely twat-like behavior under the cover of “honesty”. You know what I am talking about the whole “Oh no, I’m not a complete cunt, I’m just honest” bit that seems to be quite the rage here in Second Life these days.

What good ol Penn likes to do is to go around to all the weekly sales: Fifty Linden Fridays, Humpdays, Project Themeory, and take pictures of the things for sale and then trash them. Pretty interesting no? Yeah, we did not think so either. Your shtick, it’s tired. I think the words “old and busted” could probably be applied. I mean let’s look at your content creator contributions to the pixel universe? You have a pair of snowflake pasties (which by the way are of poor quality and about as original as oxygen) and a two prim sculptie volcano you refer to as “Mt. Wannahumpapenis”. My aren’t you the witty one? Let’s face it Penn, buddy, dude, you have nothing except your sad little blog and the few friends who actually care about anything you have to say.

But the fun doesn’t end there does it? You started to notice that due to being a tactless cunt you were getting banned from shops that participated in these sales that you so love to trash. I have to wonder though, what did you expect to happen? Did you think the content creators you so “wittily” tore apart were going to say “Oh, that Penn, what a kidder! Why of course she can come back to my store and continue to completely trash the things I’ve worked on!” It doesn’t work that way princess, it never has and probably never will. So what is your initial response? You start crying about it. This tells us some things. First, it lets us know you’re probably under 25. It also tells us that you’re nowhere near as smart as you think you are. Yes Honey, your parents lied to you.

So after stomping around the internet and whining about how you were just “being honest” you did what exactly? Oh I know! You decided to start IMing content creators and began to  tell them if they unbanned you, and if they gave you stuff “You would play nice”. Cupcake, there is a word for that behavior. It’s called Extortion. Also, nobody is going to buy it.  So at this point, not only are you a twat who’s not as smart as you think you are, but you’re a shady twat. Way to go kid! Now you join the ranks of half the SL population! I bet you’re so very proud of yourself.

You see, content creators like this thing called “constructive criticism”. I know that may be a new thing to you. So, do us a favor? Go look it up, explore it, maybe start practicing it between your really bad photo sessions of “risque” SL crap okay?

“Execute Order 7.8″

Now, what is Order 7.8 you ask? It is Section 7.8 of the new Second Life Terms of Service. It reads for those of you too lazy to look it up as the following.

7.8 You agree to respect the Intellectual Property Rights of other users, Linden Lab, and third parties.

You agree that you will not upload, publish, or submit to any part of the Service any Content that is protected by Intellectual Property Rights or otherwise subject to proprietary rights, including trade secret or privacy rights, unless you are the owner of such rights or have permission from the rightful owner to upload, publish, or submit the Content and to grant Linden Lab and users of the Service all of the license rights granted in these Terms of Service.

You acknowledge that the Content of the Service is provided or made available to you under license from Linden Lab and independent Content providers, including other users of the Service (“Content Providers”). You acknowledge and agree that except as expressly provided in this Agreement, the Intellectual Property Rights of Linden Lab and other Content Providers in their respective Content are not licensed to you by your mere use of the Service. You must obtain from the applicable Content Providers any necessary license rights in Content that you desire to use or access.

Linden Lab and other Content Providers may use the normal functionality of the Service, including the permissions system and the copy, modify, and transfer settings, to indicate how you may use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, or perform their respective Content solely In-World. You acknowledge and agree that the permissions system and other functionality of the Service do not grant you any license, consent, or permission to copy, modify, transfer, or use in any manner any Content outside the Service.

You agree that you will not copy, transfer, or distribute outside the Service any Content that contains any Linden In-World Content, in whole or in part or in modified or unmodified form, except as allowed by the Snapshot and Machinima Policy, or that infringes or violates any Intellectual Property Rights of Linden Lab, other Content Providers, or any third parties.

Linden Lab reserves the right, but is not obligated to use technological measures designed to prohibit the copying, transfer, or distribution of Content outside the Service when we in good faith believe that such copying, transfer, or distribution would or might violate the Intellectual Property Rights of our users, Linden Lab, or third parties.

You copy and use Content at your own risk. You are solely responsible and liable for your use, reproduction, distribution, modification, display, or performance of any Content in violation of any Intellectual Property Rights. You agree that Linden Lab will have no liability for, and you agree to defend, indemnify, and hold Linden Lab harmless for, any claims, losses or damages arising out of or in connection with your use, reproduction, distribution, modification, display, or performance of any Content.

These are interesting times in our digital playground my friends. It seems that the Lindens in their as always infinite wisdom wish to tighten down on how we show the world Second Life, and more importantly they wish to control how we use the things we have purchased with our money. In this little rant I will be breaking down 7.8 and will be sharing with you why it is the worse idea since 2.0.

You agree that you will not upload, publish, or submit to any part of the Service any Content that is protected by Intellectual Property Rights or otherwise subject to proprietary rights, including trade secret or privacy rights, unless you are the owner of such rights or have permission from the rightful owner to upload, publish, or submit the Content and to grant Linden Lab and users of the Service all of the license rights granted in these Terms of Service.

You see the Avatar above in the picture? That is the Storm Trooper avatar from Furious store. According to Section 7.8 of the ToS I am not allowed to take a picture of it.  Why am I not allowed to take a picture of it? Because in the folder that came with the purchase there was no mention whatsoever of being allowed to photograph this avatar.  Under 7.8 content creators will have to include a notecard in their items allowing for permission for their items/clothing/skin/hair to be photographed and then published for other people to look at.

You acknowledge that the Content of the Service is provided or made available to you under license from Linden Lab and independent Content providers, including other users of the Service (“Content Providers”). You acknowledge and agree that except as expressly provided in this Agreement, the Intellectual Property Rights of Linden Lab and other Content Providers in their respective Content are not licensed to you by your mere use of the Service. You must obtain from the applicable Content Providers any necessary license rights in Content that you desire to use or access.

Now, copying content and redistributing it is bad. We all know this. But what about backing it up? Should that not be my call since I am the one who purchased it? Are you next going to tell me I can not watch Football on my RL TV that I purchased? We as users of Second Life should be able to back up the things we have purchased. Real money went into these purchases, and let us all be honest here. Second Life’s inventory system has a well documented history of eating everything and anything it wants to whenever it wants to. Also, what about moving an item over to an alt? In theory, since the same PERSON bought the item should I not be allowed to move an item from one of my avatars to another avatar that I still own?

Linden Lab and other Content Providers may use the normal functionality of the Service, including the permissions system and the copy, modify, and transfer settings, to indicate how you may use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, or perform their respective Content solely In-World. You acknowledge and agree that the permissions system and other functionality of the Service do not grant you any license, consent, or permission to copy, modify, transfer, or use in any manner any Content outside the Service.

This is pretty simple. Basically what Linden Lab is saying here is that everything you’ve ever made in Second Life, is now property of sorts of Linden Lab. You may not under any circumstance bring it to another grid. I am curious though if this includes items that you have made. The wording is a bit fuzzy on that subject. But, Linden Lab does that. They love you, you know? They love you so much it will hurt you.

You agree that you will not copy, transfer, or distribute outside the Service any Content that contains any Linden In-World Content, in whole or in part or in modified or unmodified form, except as allowed by the Snapshot and Machinima Policy, or that infringes or violates any Intellectual Property Rights of Linden Lab, other Content Providers, or any third parties.

You bloggers paying attention to this one? Basically we will now need permission to photograph anywhere, anything, anytime. That will be fun won’t it? I am sure that sim owners, content creators, and everybody else involved in this process is just going to love the time taken up by countless people asking for permission. Jesus, can you imagine the notecards that are going to be pouring in back and forth on Second Life’s already fragile databases?

Linden Lab reserves the right, but is not obligated to use technological measures designed to prohibit the copying, transfer, or distribution of Content outside the Service when we in good faith believe that such copying, transfer, or distribution would or might violate the Intellectual Property Rights of our users, Linden Lab, or third parties.

HAH! That is right fuckers, I said HAH! This is Linden Lab covering their very exposed asses saying they’ll now be guarding and watching for content theft. You know, maybe they’ll increase the time it takes a copybotter to get banned from 4 days to 2 days. (Not that I am holding a grudge you fucking dicks (the lindens, not you kids). Won’t that be lovely? We’ll translate this. “Hey we said in our ToS we’re going to help content creators prevent theft, but in actuality…no”

You copy and use Content at your own risk. You are solely responsible and liable for your use, reproduction, distribution, modification, display, or performance of any Content in violation of any Intellectual Property Rights. You agree that Linden Lab will have no liability for, and you agree to defend, indemnify, and hold Linden Lab harmless for, any claims, losses or damages arising out of or in connection with your use, reproduction, distribution, modification, display, or performance of any Content.

And there it is everybody, the other shoe. While Linden Lab promises to help protect their users from Content theft they are in no way legally, morally, ethically, or financially responsible for your loses  if they fail. If they fail….seems like that is every day in Second Life that Linden Lab continuously fails their users.  Tell you what Lindens, instead of giving us false promises of content protection…go ahead and fix teleports, sim crossings, inventory loss, your servers, and the almost infinite list of issues you’ve had since the beginning. You know stuff you in theory should be competent enough to fix. Also, next time you come up with a content protection policy you may want to hire somebody who makes stuff in Second Life and not a lawyer who has probably never logged in. You have once again clearly shown how completely out of touch you are with your user base. Way to go kids!

Dimitri Out.

Everyone, meet Jacob Janitor. Jacob is an eloquent fellow. Let’s look at his profile shall we?

yeah im white from the states with a funny middle name, but im always pretty quick to keep a thick black bitch bouncing on my white dick

SORRY. I ONLY LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH FOXY LADIES

Simply riveting. Now, I was chilling out at Casa De La Doom Cookie when my friend Moonbeam IM’d me at informed me she had a problem with a tool at her club. She asked me to come down. Because this is what Jacob had been spewing.

So, I had come down and Jacob was hanging out in the corner of the club. I put 2 prims around him.

I like to call the two prims I created on the spot…the penalty box. It matched the color of his prim dick. He left, and that was that. (Note the time stamp)

So around 11am SLT I get the pop up that I’ve been logged out by an administrator. “Okay that’s weird” I thought as I had never seen that before.  And then I check my email.

Dear Dimitri Rizooto,

This email is notification of action regarding your Second Life account,
Dimitri Rizooto, for violation of the Second Life Terms of Service or
Community Standards. The violation in question occurred on April 16, 2010
in the region of Osato.

Violation: Community Standards: Harassment, Impeding Movement

Creating objects or content with the explicit purpose of
impeding or interfering with the free movement of another
Resident in a Safe Areas.

Well isn’t that interesting. So I pop onto Second Life’s website and hit live chat since I am a PREMIUM member. This is the fun and games that followed:

Roberto: Hello Dimitri Rizooto,my name is Roberto. Thank you for contacting Linden Lab Support. How may I help you?

Dimitri Rizooto: Hello Roberto, I just got logged out by an administrator and an email was sent saying I was warning or suspended from Second Life for TOS violation.

Dimitri Rizooto: Now, it says it was for impeding movement. But I was on my friend's land and she asked me too.

Dimitri Rizooto: Now, I was never warned about anything and the email does not state how long I was suspended for

Roberto: Just a second please Dimitri please.

Roberto: Can I ask you some security questions please?

Dimitri Rizooto: Oh sure thing

Roberto:
What's your real name? What's your date of birth please? What's your email address?What city were you born in?

Dimitri Rizooto: PErsonal Info

Dimitri Rizooto: I don't remember if I added the Balboa naval hospital part in the question

Roberto: Thank you Dimitri.Your account will be suspended till 2010-04-16 at 11:35:40. Is an administration act .

Dimitri Rizooto: 11:35PM SLT?

Dimitri Rizooto: That is pretty much the whole day. The incident in which I got suspended for happened at the request of the land owner

Roberto: I don't know the issue Dimitri , but I advice you to submit a support ticket as an abuse appeal.

Dimitri Rizooto: Will it take longer than my suspension?

Roberto: I think so Dimitri.

Dimitri Rizooto: Okay.

Well holy shit. You mean to tell me that it will take longer for the appeal process to work than the actual suspension? Well with that level of competence surely I can expect you do very well once you become publicly traded.

So just so we’re clear here. You suspended a premium account holder with no previous suspensions, bans, or warnings for putting two prims around a resident who had been harassing another resident at HER FUCKING CLUB and she asked me there? Does that sound about right? Well, I will tell you what. I’m going to go ahead and give you till…let’s say…5pm SL time to fix this. If you don’t, that’s cool too. I will happily cancel my premium account and never purchase another L$ again. I’ll advise my Real Life friends to do the same, hell I have nothing better to do. I will actively advertise against anybody showing up on your bleeding edge (circa 2003) playground. Now grant it, I’ll still play your game as I am addicted to it much like some time of sadist crack cocaine.

Also, let’s address your customer service. I was thinking of a nice way to put it but I can’t. So it goes like this. It sucks, it sucks on so many levels I can’t even begin to describe it. What kind of company doesn’t send out an actual warning first? Instead you just go ahead and suspend? That makes perfect sense because the person who was suspended is just going to totally want to come back and spend a lot more money on you assholes. But as we’ve seen with your excellent track record of protecting content creators from theft and your awesome track record of stopping pedophiles. And with your always sound policies of completely ignoring what your customer base wants, I am sure you will be quite successful in the future.

And I am going to close now, using the ever so wise words of Sarah Nerd

Fuck you Linden Lab

No Love,

Dimitri.

And before you begin to get mad about me copy pasting chat logs and emails…I live in Texas. In Texas as long as I have my own permission since I am a party of the conversation I can go ahead and tape, post, copy, whatever else I want to with it.

You hear it from time to time as a dancer. You’ll be having a conversation with somebody and they’ll find out your a dancer and that is when the tone changes. Like somehow what we do is so incredibly dirty we’re second class SL citizens. And for the most part we’re going to be okay with that? Now, why would be okay with that? Allow me to tell you.

See, dancers in Second Life, they work for tips. Those tips for those of you who aren’t keeping track = L$. So every time  one of you morally “superior” idiots says something quaint like “Go back to your pole” or “polewhore”, or “Slwhore”, or any other of the many colorful terms you’re tiny little minds have come up with we remember it. Then, with that L$ we’ve earned…we go shop somewhere else. And we’re a chatty bunch we dancers. Almost as much as you fashion kids. So when we ask each other where is a good place to get clothing, furniture, textures, ao’s, you name it….we remember then too. And we then recommend somewhere else to shop. Still feeling morally superior?

Still here? Good. Now then, what really sticks in my craw (I haven’t been able to use that saying much these days) is that a good number of you started out dancing and escorting. While I could do the wrong thing and post the list of well known content creators and “fashionistas” who started up on stage and on the poseball, I won’t. Why? Because you already know who you are. But, as always with the SL fashion community hypocrisy will never ever be out of style. While this level of hypocrisy is not shocking it still remains disappointing. Go figure.

So where were  we? Oh yes…the moral of the story. Go ahead and keep making fun of the dancers, we’ll keep making money while you’ll see your profit margin drop. I’ll go ahead and go back to the pole now and continue being looked down upon. You kids have fun in morally superior land with your backstabbing, content theft, he said she said drama, and other fun and games.

Dimitri is wearing

Skin – Daniel Nougat 04 – LAQ

Hair – Rev Hair (Carbon) – Pretty Vermin

Hat Cap’n Jack Hat – Illusions

Shirt – Gypsy Tunic White – Nomine

Vest – Gypsy Vest Black – Nomine

Pants Gypsy Striped Silk Black – Nomine

Boots – Pirate Boot – Illusions

Belt Pirate Belt w/attachments – Illusions

Gloves Pirate Gloves – Illusions

Eyepatch Rogue’s Eyepatch – Illusions

Necklace GBW Crest Necklace Black – Gabriel

Poses are all [LAP]

Now then, after reading this. Let me show you the look on my face.

(I would credit this pose but well fuck it’s in a couch)

Now, I don’t know how other people’s children do it. But me? I tend to take like 50 pics per blog post, eventually whittling them down in Photoshop. So you would like me, on the blog I pay hosting fees for, to credit your poses? First off. We’re supposed to? Dude the only thing I am supposed to do is eat, sleep, crap, and pay taxes and eventually check out for a dirt nap. Did you hook me up with these poses? No? Did I buy them? Yes. Yes I did. With you know….my money. So let’s rewind. You are now…telling me I have to credit poses I bought on the blog I own because we’re “Supposed” to promote you. But you know what, let’s pause on that grandiose sense of entitlement for a second and let us take a trip.

These are about a quarter of my couples poses. Why only a quarter you ask? Well, because I tried rezzing them all but Second Life said “Hey Dipshit, you’re out of prims”.

See this Tillie’s Pose Stand? This has 350 poses in it. Male and Female for when I want to take somebody elses pictures. I go through pretty much all of these per blog post. But you know what? First thing in the morning when I am waking up and writing up the post….I will totally be sure to remember exactly which pose I used for that particular photo. Because you know, that’s my JOB right? That’s what pays me the big bucks…..wait. I don’t get paid. Oh yeah that’s right.

These are some of my props. I suppose you’ll want me to credit them too.  I’ll be sure to get right on that.

This is my other pose stand. It’s got all male poses. It’s number is significantly less than the other stand. I mean, I could credit the pose maker. I really could. But there are like what….ten whole people in Second Life cranking out mens poses? Go shopping. Bounce around the different stores. Stop expecting it handed to you on a pixel platter. Or barring that, there is this really cool thing. You could be like “Hey Dimitri, what pose is that?” and I could say “Well let me look. Oh it’s from Reel Expressions”. Because believe it or not kids, asking questions usually works.

That being said, if I can remember the name of the pose. I will be happy to put the name down. Because it would be the nice thing to do. Also, No poses were harmed in the making of this post. I used my AO

Vive9 announced on their blog on March 16th that due to mysterious RL (that is Real Life for you slow kids) issues they would be closing up shop. So they decided to have a sale. They decided to sell their skins for cheap, fatpacks going at around1k. The store flooded, people were crying about not getting in. Money was poured into their coffers as the vultures of SL Fashion circled over head, aiming at prize peaces of meat.

Fast forward to today. March 29th.

Word comes to us from our embedded correspondent in the Mean Girls Fashion Emergency Group (I made up the Mean Girls part…..or did I? Maybe Hot Tranny Mess Fashion Emergency Group who knows…) that the sale is off! Vive9 is staying in Second Life!

What happened Vive9? Did you make enough money off the fake leaving sale?

I probably have an issue with you, but don’t take it personally. If you think what I write is a jab at you please acknowledge that what you’re feeling is called guilt and, while maybe misplaced, you should examine that emotion.  Today I want to discuss the special, sparkling little snowflakes of our community. I’d like you to keep an eye on that word (community) as it will become increasingly more important.

Earlier this week Dancien made a post about how Kyrah Abattoir is a pedophile apologist. While this is entirely true, I want to discuss the nature of this type of person rather than just ram a grenade up that particular SL’er’s large intestine. I’d like to talk about the personality type that is SO PC that they can turn child rape into a lifestyle choice as opposed to a crime. At what point did our online community become so open-minded and open-armed as to welcome child molesters? I know it takes all kinds, but some of those kinds should really be locked up in the shithouse to choke on the fumes. Being selective about who you let into your community is not only natural, it’s a biological imperative. It’s OK to trust that feeling in your gut when you sense something wrong with someone because that feeling is called ‘instinct’ and has been bred into our species after millions of years of evolution to guard against danger.

What’s that? Talk about the special people now, Bidi? Alrighty.

Now, I don’t really want to rain on anyone’s parade since it’s Christmas and all. OK, that’s a total lie. I totally want to do that. There is a certain segment of our community that considers themselves very special and important. Why? Well, I’m not entirely sure. You know these people. They prioritize their in-world time (sometimes with an actual schedule, which is just so freaking sad) and give sweeping edicts that the rest of the social circle is supposed to take as gospel. If you don’t, well, you know what happens to you, as I’m sure it has at some point. They might have something they do in-world like writing, photography, prostitution, whatever that their circle is constantly reinforcing the idea that they’re the best in. I’m not saying that there aren’t amazingly talented people in SL because there are a ton of them. I’m talking about the people who are so transparently untalented that they need constant emotional support from vapid sheep to assuage that feeling that they’re, indeed, not good enough. You know these people as the ones people complain about behind their backs. You’ll also note that lots of the time these people are embroiled in drama, whether over some imagined slight, haters, or for the ‘good of the community’. They insist that you take their side in the ‘drama’ and make vague threats if you don’t. These are as much of a danger to the community as the PC Nazis, if not more.

What about emotional vampires? Let’s talk about it.

You know these people, too. There’s at least one in every work environment. They just feel things SO MUCH MORE than the people around them. These people tend to come out of the woodwork after someone dies or is injured. “But we were so close,” They say, even though you know for a fact it isn’t remotely true. You may have noticed them this weekend after actress Brittany Murphy died. Twitter and Plurk lit up like a Christmas tree with mourners expressing their deep, entrenched and existential grief over her passing. Why? No disrespect to Murphy or her family as I’m sure she was a wonderful person, but it’s not like they knew her or had probably been impacted by her acting in many years. It was simply another opportunity for others to SEE THEIR DEEP PAIN and give them some attention. They will feed off pretty much any situation in which they can co-opt other’s pain as their own.

These are all facets of our community: our SL culture. You are also a member of that community and have just as much say as anyone else as to what goes on in it. Yes, just as much as even the ‘important’ people. People need to remember that this is a game; people are only as important as they make themselves. Those that step on other people to further themselves, their PC viewpoints,  or feed on another’s emotional situation need to be informed that this community is not solely theirs to do with as they please. There’s a lot more of us than there is of them. Remember that, it’s important.

Dancien is wearing:

Skin: Fire – Seraph – 5 O’clock – Signature Labs

Shirt: Sweater 22(White) – .:Naive:.

Jacket: Winter Jacket – sf design

Pants: Cords Pants Brown – .:Naive:.

Hair: Dexter (Espresso) – Bryce Designs

And now for the rant,

You know, as much as I love Halloween, This holiday season comes a very close second.  It’s getting colder, everything starts smelling awesome (fire places, trees, gingerbread, etc), people start being nicer, kids write letters to Santa Claus, the whole nine yards. But then, over the course of several years something has happened.  It’s like the whole class level of the holidays has simply just hit rock bottom. I saw Holiday stuff in stores before Halloween. People in general were being even bigger dicks, and in general the entire meaning of the season was lost. And frankly, that pisses me right the fuck off. So here you go kids, I am going to list off the things that seriously are pissing me off about the Holidays in Second Life and in Real Life.

1. These Mouth Breathers. Look assholes, we get it. You’re all butthurt because there are actually other religions out there that have their shindigs around the same time. It would probably help if you were A: Educated B: Not fucking inbred C: Not all goddamn related. And for the record according to scholars, your mythical pop tart of a savior was chucked out of his mom’s vag in the fucking Summer. In fact in 350 AD it was declared by Pope Julius I that December 25th would be the “official birthday” of Christ. Why? To ease in the conversion of pagan Romans who at the time celebrated Winter Solstice at that time, and it also helped with the Celts who celebrated Yule at the same time. I mean if you really want to go back into time the Babylonians celebrated something called “The Feast of the Son of Isis” at that time as well. You are not original snowflakes in deciding that the holiday is yours and all yours.
2. The fact I can’t say Merry Christmas with out some politically correct asshole getting offended (Cajsa, I am looking at you). Seriously, grow some thicker skin. For that matter I can’t say Happy Festivus, Happy Yule, and Happy Hanukkah. It’s been homogenized into “Happy Holidays”
3. The fact I see Holidays crap in the stores before Halloween. Give it a rest people. I know that times are tough, but do you really think your customers need to be inundated with the sensation of “OMG I have to buy this now, and I need to find my kids the exact presents they want, and what’s the newest shiny thing, and it’s okay if I go into debt this season because it’s the Holidays”  It’s irresponsible and frankly totally not needed. Wait for November 1st before you give us ulcers okay?
4. Now we get into the SL stuff. Hey people, going to clue you in here. There are more holiday colors than red and green. I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? Try using them. I dare you.
5. Show some class. Look I get it, most monkeys in Second Life are here so they can look like hot little playmates or whatever. But Rudolphina the  Red Nosed Escort, and Bambi the Stripper Elf….it’s just kind of sad at this point that you thought that was a good idea to make and or wear.
6. The fact people are making and selling BDSM Christmas Trees, and Trees with Sex Poses, and every other Holiday item they can think of as long as it has sex poses in it. Just…no people. No.

And that’s it for now.

This link right here: Ta-Da! It’s correspondence between Linden Lab and a store owner who has done rather well for themselves and is  fortunate enough to be able to provide Second Life residents with jobs as customer service representatives. Apparently, that is not allowed however. In fact, she recently got everybody’s favorite email:

Dear Store Owner,

This email is notification of action regarding your Second Life account,
+++++++++, for violation of the Second Life Terms of Service or
Community Standards. The violation in question occurred on November 10,
2009 in the region of Richfield.

Violation: Community Standards : Gaming Traffic Violation

As of the 1st May 2009, the use of bots or camping to game
Traffic values will be considered a violation.

Whether a landowner uses Bots or Camping Chairs, or Camping
Chairs with Bots in them, the effect is the same – the
traffic value for that parcel is inflated unfairly (and
therefore Search rankings).

Attempting to gain an unfair Search advantage, by the use
of Bots or Camping to inflate the Traffic for a parcel, will
be considered a violation. This policy applies to both
Mainland and Private Estates as both are represented in
Search.

If you continue to violate this policy, your account may be
suspended and the parcels relating to the violation maybe
removed from Search listings altogether.

For further information, see the following blog posts
http://tr.im/sl_camping and http://tr.im/sl_bots

If you are using bots/scripted agents on your land, please
look to self identify these accounts, for further
information please see this blog post
http://tr.im/sl_agentstatus

If you are going to have avatars as models they must be registered as
scripted agents.

Action:
No additional action is being taken at this time.

Appeal Process:
The decision to suspend your Second Life access was reached after
investigation of your use of the Second Life software and service. If you
would like to appeal your suspension, you may contact Second Life Support,
in writing, at the address below:

Second Life Support
Linden Lab
945 Battery Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

You may also appeal electronically by filing a support ticket at
http://www.secondlife.com/support For more information on this process,
please see this KnowledgeBase article http://bit.ly/hBIjz

Please provide relevant information that you believe would explain the
above violation.  Linden Lab reserves sole discretion in considering
whether to take any action on an appeal.

Please note that for electronically submitted appeals, due to the nature
of the ticket, it may take upto 72 hours to receive an initial decision on
your abuse appeal.

Sincerely,
Linden Lab

Seriously? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? So, we can’t actually have employees. But we can register bots and that’s okay? You’re anti-bot policy is now: Real People Bad Fake People Good?

So the store owner  replies and asks some rather important questions.

Did you check the Knowledge Base?:  Yes, and I have further questions
Preferred Language:  English
Details:  As far as I was aware paid models doing a job were allowed onto a sim? I just received an account suspension warning for campers/bots…. I have NO campers or bots. The items returned to me are model stands, that the models have to be assiged to a group via invite only, they are asked to fill out job application forms, they have tip jars, they are modeling my clothes that I made at my store and are there to help my customers. They have rules stating they are not allowed to be away from the keyboard for any period of time. So we are not allowed staff now??? Can someone please clear up for me what the differance is between paying staff for doing a job and camping? I know of plenty of other stores with paid models and campers and bots and I really start to feel like you target me.
Can you please tell me why I am not allowed paid staff??
I need my staff there to help and guide customers, so why am I not allowed them or not allowed to pay them?
Thank you.

Makes sense. Staff make the shopping experience more enjoyable for the average consumer. They are there to answer questions and they keep people from constantly bugging content creators. It makes sense, less stressed creators equals more products, happier customers equal more money spent. Kind of win/win isn’t it? I mean I’m sure the money grubbing monkeys at the lab will even get their piece of the action due to it.Apparently……not.

Hello, Store Owner:

Thanks for contacting customer support.  Model bots are allowed however each bot is required to be identified as a scripted agent: http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Linden_Lab_Official:Scripted_Agent_Status. This is so traffic results will not be affected by these bots.  You run a risk of further disciplinary action against your account because can not view someone else’s scripted agent status however any model bots on your land must have this setting enabled.  What you may do instead is subdivide small parcels for the model bots to be on that have About Land > Show Place in Search disabled.

Regards,

Frontier Linden

I enjoy watching the Lindens respond to emails. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside your chest like when you finally realize that no, the person is not actually reading what he is responding to, and did indeed copy paste that shit straight out of the manual he lives and dies by.

So the store owner, obviously frustrated decides to check to see if good ol Frontier has bothered to read the original email. (My guess is no.)

Reopened  +++++++ Can you please re-read my email to you, they are NOT bots!!
The models were real live people there to help customers, earning a base rate of pay, they have to fill in application forms, have knowledge of my store and products, not go afk, be in the correct group.
Why am I not allowed paid staff????

Please do not tell me about bots, I have NO interest in bots, I don’t use bots and I never will. I need real staff on my land which you are saying I can not have? Not one single bot could have been on my pose stands, I know this as everyone has to fill in forms and tests with basic questions before being invited into the group.
So please tell me why am I not allowed staff?

Seems fairly reasonable. Upon talking with the store owner, the models/CSR’s have very specific rules. They are encouraged to interact with customers and are paid through pose stands spread throughout the area. These are not bots. These are RL people who earn money to buy stuff in Second Life by doing this.

Frontier replies. As you can guess it’s mostly the same old song and patterned response tap dance.

These residents may not be bots however traffic calculations are still being artificially inflated.  In order to avoid further disciplinary action in the future, these options are available:

- They should have their scripted agent status set to true.  Please keep in mind you will not be able to confirm that they have done this.

- Create a separate parcel of land and disable About Land > Show Place in Search.

This will allow you to have paid staff without inflating traffic results by mistake.

So, the anti-botting policy now covers actual people. And the solutions make me giggle.

Solution 1: Create a separate parcel to house said real people and have it not show up in traffic. Great idea! (no not really)

Solution 2: Have the real people set themselves to appear as bots. So…about that logic. Or maybe the lack of it. I can’t really decide on this one. Of course, you can’t actually check to see if your employees do this.

The traffic is not being artificially inflated. In that logic lies idiocy. Those are real people doing what they are paid to do. Artificially inflated traffic? Try actually busting down on those pathetic BIAB owners who bot the hell up and then create a new account when suspended. Until then, Linden Lab? Seriously? Shut the fuck up.

The store owner responds over and over again, asking for clarification and gets stonewalled by a case of dumb the likes of which I have not seen since the “boycott”.

This idiot policy calls into question the ability to have employees for anything. What about ye olde local SL strip club? No hosts? No DJ’s, No dancers? Those are all paid employees. Do they not increase traffic? How long am I the store/club/whatever owner allowed to stay there. Am I not increasing my traffic?

Why not actually take the time to come up with a bot policy that is actually understandable and works. Or better yet, blanket policy. No more registering bots for second life. Instead let us just remove all of them. No bots at all. Want to have models and what not? Actually help the economy in Second Life by hiring people like this author did.

These policies stacking up are going to lead to several things. The big stores will fail thanks to Linden help while the small stores will continue to do so-so. Less people will cash out (which is what LL is hoping for). And somehow the Lindens will post happy things about it. Followed of course by their resident cheerleader Torley. (Seriously? After you fucked us on XStreet and everything else you’re going to send Torley out to talk to us like we’re 5?). For some though, they’ll get it. And instead of writing in chalk outside Linden Lab at the next SLCC, there may be more people doing this.